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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

water,boat,blue

I stole this idea from Slouching Mom. She linked to a picture and you were supposed to write down the first three words that popped into your head and then use those three words in a memoir-style story. Obviously, I am not creative with my word choices. But I do find the stream-of-consciousness style and the place my brain went naturally interesting. Do we all have a penchant to go straight for the melodramatic? Thought provoking stuff, kids.

I suppose it was silly to get on this stupid boat. I was naive to think that just the act of climbing on a cruise ship would help me to relax. When, in truth, my anxiety has been worse than ever. But, oh, how they encouraged me!

"You really should take a vacation, Julie."

Right. Like a vacation is going to solve my problems. Like all my issues would just suddenly melt away as soon as I sat down in a deck chair. Like they would vanish as soon as I gazed out on all that blue water.

The cabin is nice enough, I guess. And I haven't gotten sea-sick yet. And there is an open bar with which to attempt to dull the ache of worry. But, it isn't exactly what I was promised.

No, it's not what I was promised at all. I was promised surrender. I was promised relaxation. I was promised that something about this stupid experience would help me to forget the fear clutching at my heart each time I hear a strange noise at night. I was told that a little fun in the sun would help to erase that feeling, and the memory of him standing over me, and the realization that I just might die.

No, not what I was promised at all.

1 comments:

slouching mom said...

I like it!

Unflinching, honest, and spare.