Thursday, May 15, 2008


So, I just had a shocking revelation the other day. No, really. It was shocking.

My best friend is getting married on July 4th. When she and her husband-to-be got engaged last year, she called me to not only tell me the good news, but to ask me to be her maid of honor. Of course, I said, "Yes!" I truly believe it is a great honor to be asked to stand in someone's wedding, and so I felt all the more honored to know that among all the honor already flying around, I was going to be honored extra! (and now I can't write that word without pronouncing it "Hoe-norde")

I was touched and very pleased, to say the least.

Anyway, I was planning my own nuptials at the time and promised her that as soon as all the shenanigans with that were over, I would turn my attention full force to her big day. Then, the holidays happened. Then, New Year's happened. Then our dog got surgery. Then we went to Jamaica for work. Then we tried to relax a little bit. Needless to say, my MOHing had not been as good as I had hoped.

In truth, the MOH's main responsibility is to make sure she leaves herself open to helping the bride whenever possible and plans a really kick-ass shower and bachelorette party that spotlight the bride and give her a chance to relax. So, all in all, I wasn't doing too bad for not having done much.

We solidifed a date for the shower and decided to also do the bachelorette party that same night once the shower was over. Good plan. It worked for me, and we'd make it work great for her too. I started throwing the tenative details around, and with some help from my fellow maids, have finally gotten most of the specifics nailed down.

But, I tell you what. I think I'm going through some sort of "wedding withdrawl." Here's why:

I wake up in the middle of the night because I'm obsessing about getting the shower perfect and I have panicky thoughts that I've forgotten something crucial. I have made several unnecessary Excel spreadsheets that I eventually scrap because I have come up with "an even better Excel spreadsheet" to do my pratically self-explanatory job.

Basically, I'm a nutjob. A big one.

I was analyzing this yesterday and wondering what the hell was my problem? Because honestly, planning the shower and bachelorette party is nowhere near the headache of planning a wedding, and I haven't felt this way since I was deep in the throes of wedding hysteria. So, why am I treating it like it's the event to beat all events?

In my analysis, I uncovered several possible reasons:

1. I really love my best friend. She's great! And I want to make it a really special day that runs really really smoothly and allows her to relax.
2. I'm anal, and I have problems delegating responsibility (mostly because I've been burned with the whole delegation thing in the past. I will never forgive the slacker in college who read his portion of the presentation directly off of a sheet of paper and who did not bring a visual aid - which was expressly required - and who, therefore, pulled our group grade down to a B from the A it was suppsoed to be. Dick.)
3. I am having "wedding withdrawl." I am coining this phrase to mean: "The symptoms felt by a married woman who, in the face of planning an event of any sort, slips right back into her past wedding planning mode and the idiosyncracies that accompany it."

Pretty good, eh? I think it totally exists, and I think I totally have it. But really, I'm pretty sure that all of the above are true in my case. Making me both really nice and really screwed up mentally. Great.

In spite of all of it, I am pretty damn excited for the whole thing to go down. It should be a fun party. Or at least, it better be...

One last revelation, and this is the one where I cry silently into my palms after my shrieks of horror have finally subsided:

When she asked me to be her MOH, I was the maid of honor.


I am the MATRON of honor.

Is it wrong that that phrase makes me feel incredibly old? I mean, MATRON?! I feel like I should run out and buy a bonnet and wire-rimmed glasses and start talking exclusively about how expensive everything is and how when I was a kid a movie only cost $3!

Well, I kind of already talk about how movies used to cost $3. I mean, come on! They did! AND now they're like $12, and that's just, well it's ridiculous. Gee golly, gosh darnit! I'm going haul my old married ass over to my rotary phone and place a call to my congressman. $12!? Get serious!


Kelley said...

I think you are amazing. My best friend was my maid of honour. She held my flowers while I said my vows. After I asked her. Twice.

That was it.

No shower, no party, no stripper, no help whatsoever.

Now she is planning her wedding and told me the other day she has a list for me as the matron of honour....